(As the light slowly begins to fade in, a view of the mountains begins to be distinct. The camera takes in the beautiful view of the surrounding mountains and sky, swooping down to start moving across the valley floor. It begins to move faster and faster as it hovers over a river. Brown bears can be seen near the banks and various rocks and trees jut out of the lazy water. Onward the camera travels, ever gaining speed until a steep drop in the river can be seen ahead. It is a rather large waterfall and as the camera passes over the waterfall, it makes a long, swooping 180 degree turn. We see the waterfall is simply a part of the bottom of a large chiseled S. As the camera zooms even further out, the letters SEWF can be seen, clearly struck into the unforgiving rock. The camera fades to black...)
(The camera once more slowly fades in, but this time on the face of one Dave Shaw. He slowly looks back over our shoulder and the face of Luscious Luciano can be seen. LL looks back to see Dean McGrath, who looks back to see Killer Christian Holmes, who looks back to see Tom Collins, then Frazer Fury and Rob Dalton, the camera begins to move faster, Ray Hagan, Caladan Moore, JP Blood, Jameson Spleen, "Quiet Man" Steve Maldor, El Dorado, Sampson, Destroyer, Hellkid Johnny Lords, Luni, both Bushido members, Jay Lange and Stephen Daye, Kezmaniac, Spyder, the great Texas Assassin, Thunder Rider, Dirk Ryan, JD Freeman, Don Marvin, Brittany, Mike Manson, Pyro, Nate Kaplan, "Rebel" Rick Stone, Higor Rosa, Jason Cline, Devon Chapel, Calvin Simmons, Dynamite Dave, the American Xtemists, Love King Ricky Taylor....even Vandal Savage. The camera ends up back at the large SEWF embedded in rock we just saw. The camera fades to black...)
(Camera fades in once more, but this time on a bustling urban city. Mountains are seen in the distance and the camera flows down in between buildings, zig zagging it's way through a maze of urban expanse. It arrives at a large domed structure marked "Shawplex" on the outside. It swings around the outside once and enters through large gaping doors. It bursts in on the seats to fill the ShawPlex and as it does so...)
David Shaw: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE SEWF IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS!!!!!!!
(Huge pyro goes off on the revamped SEWF entryway, a massive structure consisting of a curved SEWF outlining a round entry. Above the letters rises a massive circular video screen that now has fireworks spewing out of all sides. Air horns and rabid fans can be heard and seen as the camera pans the audience. Theme music plays and we return to Dave Shaw, standing in the center of the ring in the center of the Shawplex in the center of the e-wrestling universe.)
Dave Shaw: This has been a long time coming and I have to say, I'm quite excited to be bringing to you all the SEWF once more.
(Crowd pop.)
DS: This building holds a lot of memories for me and will most definitely be the source of new ones for years to come. This building shall not lie dormant every again, as my commitment to this federation is both deep and heavy. I will be pouring all the time, sweat, and blood into this federation that I can bare and I will do so knowing that all of you fans out there and all the wrestlers in the back appreciate it and want to see more!
(Crowd pop, bigger than last)
DS: I'd also like to thank all of you for coming tonight as this is a very unique show we have planned for you tonight. The first order of bus-
Voice: Screw the fans. Screw you. Screw the whole damn planet.
(The arena blackens. The fans are silent. Suddenly, a guitar blasts in the background. It's "Loose" by Primer. A silhouette of a man appears in the darkness of the Shawplex. One bright spotlight focuses on the man. Standing 6'4, you cannot see his physique, as he is cloaked in a long dark trenchcoat. He slowly, methodically, makes his way down to the ring, looking around, though no one can see his eyes thru his dark sunglasses. This man walks up the ring steps and in one bold leap, jumps to the top turnbuckle, and glances around jumps down and slowly makes his way to the middle of the ring. He produces a mic from his coat pocket. The fans are just sitting there, not knowing how to react to the dark figure standing before them. The music stops, and the silence continues, til he lifts the mic closer to him.)
Man: Before you,(stops, takes the microphone down, and looks down.) Before you came here tonight, before you stepped in this building, sat in those seats and listened as our "esteemed" President David Shaw introduced some of the wrestlers signed to a contract to this federation, did you happen to see the man standing on the corner, asking for change? Did you happen to see the man in the park with no place to go and no one to turn to? or how about the lonely gentleman, walking around, his wife left him, took everything he owns and now he's living in a one room apartment over a cheap Chinese restaurant and all he can think about is how is he going to provide for kids? All those people, that's who I wrestle for. The black hearts. The ones who have given up on hope, given up on life, I'm giving them something, someone, who, win, after win, after damn win, they can cheer for. Someone who can inspire them, not thru my talent, my in-ring and out of ring ability, but thru my hard work. My dedication. To myself. To my craft. My job isn't to please you, the fans. It's not to please my boss, my employer, David Shaw. It's not to please any wrestler, trainer, announcer, ticket taker, bathroom scrubber, no, except me. And if I do that, and everyone else, when it's said and done, at the end of the night is pleased with my performance, then, that's great. If I come out here, and I wrestle my heart out, and it pleases me.
And it inspires the fellow darkened hearts and souls to perhaps then, maybe, just maybe, I don't need your applause. Your cheers. I'm not one to come out here and say, well, I've traveled the globe, earned so many titles. The this title and the that title. I could, but I don't need to. Because gloating doesn't prove shit. You earn it, week after week, show after show, match after match after god damn match. Over and Over. Til, one day, you get that chance. To wrestle for the biggest prize in the game. And if you are so fortunate to come out of that, with the title, then, and only then, can you gloat. Can you praise yourself and bask in the light of your accomplishment. In the interim, and this goes to all those in the back, there's a very common, worn out saying that fits in perfectly with what I have just spoke about. Don't sing it, bring it.
(With that, the music starts, and the lights go out. They come back on a few seconds later, and the mysterious Blackheart disappears. the camera zooms back to a visually confused David Shaw, standing, looking at the ring.)
DS: Always good to be interrupted on the first night, eh? I guess it couldn't happen any other way. Anyway, as I was saying, we are going to be building on tradition here in the SEWF. In our first run, this federation achieved some spectacular heights and we can only hope to reach those heights once more. To do so, a great staff is necessary. The great Davey Havok, a model of efficiency and endurance, was in the original SEWF to give it the support it desperately needed from the Vice President's office. This time around, I think we've found someone who will do as good or better than the great Deaner. Hey, Hal, roll that tape would ya? Meet your SEWF Vice President!
(We pan from the floor, to a desk. Panning across the desk, we see "Vice President Steve Carey" emblazoned on the desk. Panning up further, we see the esteemed Vice President--- decked out in a camouflage three-piece suit--- passed out face down on the desk, with a bottle of Jack Daniels next to him. Suddenly, the door opens, and in walks his Assistant (read:Secretary), the very illiterate Pyromaniac. Pyro nudges Carey to wake him up.)
Carey: What, what do you want, T.J.? I told you already, the best way to remove creamed corn and latex paint from polyester is...
Pyro: No, it's not that. Guru-Two's here to see you about his new job.
Carey: Guru-Two? Did I hire him?
Pyro: Yeah.
Carey: Send him in.
(Pyro leaves, as a bald, black man identifying himself as Guru-Two bursts into the door. He's holding a TVTC blunt.)
Guru-Two: The UncirCUMcised Fusillade is cumming! MISCREANTS and monotonous abecedarians, RUN FOR YOU LIVES! The UncirCUMcised Fusillade is cumming!
Carey: Dear God...
Guru-Two: Evanescent Moment of Clarity, Evanescent Moment of Clarity, Evanescent Moment of Clarity, Evanescent Moment of Clarity, Evanescent Moment of Clarity!
Carey: What have I done...
Guru-Two: WHUT THA BLUD CLOT? You do not have the credibility, the audacity, the veracity, OR EVEN THE MENDACITY to even ruminate Guru-Two's elevated diction with your lack of a High School Education.
Carey: How am I going to explain this to Shaw?
Guru-Two: HOLY SHITBALLS! I'M GOING TO WIN 626268 TITLES IN THE SEWF!
Carey: One too many benders, and this is what happens.
Guru-Two: CAN'T YOUR MISCREANT MIND FATHOM THAT THE SEQUEL TO THE GURU IS SUPERIOR IN ALL WAYS, WITH HIS UNCIRcumCISED SCHLONG?!
Carey: Please leave now.
Guru-Two (as he walks out the door): MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA OH YOUR GOD, DAMN I'M FUNNY.
(Guru-Two slams the door.)
Carey (to himself): I shoulda known better than to drink a fifth before recruiting.
(Carey puts his head down on the desk and weeps. The moral of the story-never hire an alcoholic as your Vice President.)
(Camera cuts back to Dave Shaw standing in the center of the ring again.)
Dave Shaw: He's really a quite qualified businessman. I think his wife just left him or his dog died or something, I dunno, I have an assistant to know that kinda stuff. Anyway, what we're going to do is bring out "Playboy" Sean Shanoski, as he has asked to address all of you here tonight, Sean?
(The lights dim and a blue glow appears over one end of the arena as TOOL is there to perform "Sober" live. During the song a wall of fire appears and "The Playboy " Sean Shanoski appears from under the stage. As he slowly walks to the ring he is wearing blue jeans, black boots and a black Tshirt that has Shawworld Productions on the right side and on the back its reads in blue.....August 7, 2000 The Night HE Came Home and has a bunny skull wrapped in barbed wire. His hair is hanging down over his eyes and he has a goatee. He enters the ring to a huge ovation. He speaks as the song ends.)
Sean: Thanks Dave. You know 3 weeks ago I get a phone call from David Shaw. He tells me he has some ideas and he is getting back into the game. He says he wants me to come back. I told him, "No, I'm 27, retired and enjoying sitting in my desolate little dark world in upstate Syracuse NY. He told me the roster and the contract is in the mail at least look it over. At this stage of my life, its me and only me and I'm not about to start over, I tried that. Instead I got caught up in getting jobbed, having to do some stupid ass gimmicks because every damn promoter in this business today is fucking scared to let the beast run loose.
Well I got the roster and I saw names like Higor Rosa, Andrew Krumm, Brian Williams, Brett Mondonno, and Nastradamous. Some of these guys have heard of me and faced some form of me, but what got me to come back, the one thing that made my mind up is one man on that list. One man who was a big time corporate suck ass and had the promoters tie my hands and make me be something I'm not to make him look good. When I snapped and left him in lying in a motionless bloody pulp and then I was abruptly fired. That was it, the sport was to scripted for me, if I can't do what I do best, I'm not doing it. I busted my ass for 3 years, I bled gallons of blood, lost my wife and son, held every major title I competed for and Ill be damned if I become a circus act. So now we arrive at August 7th 2000....Higor Rosa, this is my turf, this is the SEWF...the House I built and tore right the fuck back down. I've given everything for these people sitting here tonight and they know Shaw will open the gates to hell and let the sinister prime minister preach. It is David Shaw's SEWF, it is all the hell, carnage, and violence you expect, it is the best damn talent in the world today, it is August 7, 2000....it is the night...HE..came home...
(Shanoski then drops the mic and begins to head out of the ring when suddenly a man hops the guardrail in front of the ring and slides into the ring behind Shanoski. The man taps him on the shoulder and as Shanoski turns around, he gets a swift kick to the gut. This mysterious man hits the ropes and comes off to grab Sean's head and absolutely drive his head into the mat. As the man looks straight into the camera, it's quite evident that it is none other than Wyatt Wallace. A young lady now joins him in the middle of the ring.)
Wyatt: (standing over his victim, looking down at him) Boy, isn't it fun when a whole new group of friends, meet each other for the first time. (Looks out to the crowd) Welcome to SEWF...and for those of you who aren't familiar with who I am...I'll spare you the "You don't know me, but you should" speech...and I'll take the liberty of introducing myself...My name is Wyatt Wallace...to my left here...(Moves his arm to comply)
Wyatt: Is my associate, and "little buddy" Lisa...We come from a land, far, far away...It's called Boston, and I'm here to do one thing...and that's become your leader, and World Champion. Here's a few super-duper things that you should know about me...YES, I am a cocky, arrogant bastard...YES, I am full of sarcastic quotes, and wit...YES, I will kick your ass if you get in my way...and most importantly, YES, I am determined, and focused....
(Lisa grabs the mic)
Lisa: For the most part...
Wyatt: And whether you believe it or not...Understand it, and accept it, because it's the truth.
(Something suddenly catches Wyatt's attention from the crowd...He glances over to see a couple of teenage boys yukking it up, and mocking him. So, leaving the fallen Shanoski in the ring, he decides to go over and see what all the fun is about...Lisa follows him out of the ring. As he begins to approach, one of the boys notices him and taps the other boy so he looks at what's coming.)
Wyatt: Hello...My name is Wyatt Wallace...What's yours?
Boy #1: Uhm...Bobb..Bobby Jasmen...
Wyatt: and yours?...
Boy #2: (a bit more cocky than the first) Jeff Crane sir...
Wyatt: Well...Bobby, Jeff...I couldn't help but notice that the two of you found something awfully hilarious while I was in the ring, do you care to share that with the rest of the class?
(The stand in silence for a few seconds, until Jeff musters the confidence to speak out.)
Jeff: (still a bit cocky) You see...Wyatt...We couldn't help but notice, that for a man making such big threats, and promises...You're not exactly the biggest, toughest guy in this fed...Plus, you carry around that valet, which only makes you susceptible to more problems if someone gets pissed off at you...Quite frankly, I think you're full of shit.
(The crowd kind of groans as the word "shit" rolls off Jeff's tongue.)
Wyatt: (regaining himself) Ok then...Today's your lucky day Jeff, do you know why?
(Jeff shakes his head confidently)
Wyatt: I'll tell you...If you would have made a comment like that two-three months ago I might have taken it personally, and acted against you by beating your ass from here, to that ring, to the locker-rooms...But that's all ancient history...Today, I decided to say just one thing to you..."Watch, and learn". And that goes double for everyone else out here, in the back, and watching at home...Keep your eyes on me, because more than likely I have an eye out for you...
(The crowd cheers slightly, but Wyatt senses words just weren't enough to make his point.)
Wyatt: Ahh what the hell...
(He turns around, but as he turns he sees Lisa wind up and knock the annoying fan out. The crowd erupts...)
Wyatt: (a bit surprised, a bit more pleased) Wow...(stumbles over words)...That was just...Wow...
Lisa: Thanks...
Wyatt: (Grabs her hand) You didn't even break a nail...(She laughs a bit)
(Dave Shaw walks up the ring steps and Wyatt hands him the mic and walks out of the ring and through the crowd, same way he came in.)
Dave Shaw: Well, as I take a look at the first SEWF casualty, I'm almost tearful with happiness. I mean, no offense to Shanoski, but this is the first ass beating of the New SEWF. This is certainly quite the occasion. Can we get someone out here to help Sean to the back please?
(A stagehand comes out and rolls Sean out of the ring and props him up to help him to the back.)
Dave Shaw: Alright, well back to the show. I understand we've got something going on outside, let's take a look.
(The camera outside the building is watching the crowd as they gather around a limousine outside. These fans, like most people, are attracted to things that tend to make a scene, to objects of wealth and greed, which in turn gets them to hump all over the side of the elongated vehicle. Suddenly the driver jumps out of the car and walks slowly over to the door next to the sidewalk. SEWF security quickly comes to aid as the door swings open. The first thing out of the car is a fabulously toned female calf. As the rest of the body pours out of the car like the finest wine into a glass, we see an absolutely stunning woman get out of the car. She is wearing a beautifully cut Italian gown that dips at the neck and has a running slit up the left leg. Her long dark hair flows out over her silky smooth skin and caresses the delicate features of her face, as well as her neck. Her bright red lips are slightly parted and her eyes are shimmering like diamonds in the palm of your hand. She begins to walk so eloquently, so smoothly, before being cut off by a handsome man wearing a pair of black pants fitting nicely to his muscled legs as well as a lightweight oxford button-down shirt with a red satin tie. His dark hair, almost as well placed as hers, is slicked back behind him with just enough gel to keep it in place but not so much as to keep it from flowing naturally. The man, standing at around 6 foot 2 or so is well built but not exceptionally large by any means. It appears as though his muscle tone and form are more important to him than any massive bulk to be found hanging around the studio on this particular day. He reaches around to his back pocket and grabs something out of it. He flashes something pink before our eyes and before we can make out what it is his demanding baritone voice can be heard.)
Man: Hey baby, what the hell did I tell you about leaving your panties in my hot tub. Do it again and I'm going to have to shut you off and we both know...(he looks to the crowd) WE ALL KNOW.........you don't want that.
(With that the man tosses the undergarment at the now irate woman and walks confidently into the Shawplex.)
Dave Shaw: Well, interesting. Um, we're going to go to some footage shot earlier today concerning one of my personal favorite e-wrestlers. After that we're going to run straight into a promo that was turned in by one of the newer faces to the SEWF universe, Simon Southward. Take a look....
(The setting is backstage. The time is just before the big Opening Show for the SEWF. The medium is television video, and the subject, at this point, is a pretty young Japanese woman pacing back and forth with a cell phone in one hand and running the other through her hair in frustration. Her long black hair is slightly frayed because of her ministrations, but otherwise she is immaculate in a black chiesong dress (the Chinese style dress with the slit up one side to mid-thigh). She is extremely attractive. She is also mumbling to herself, evidently on hold, waiting for someone. Let's listen, shall we? While we're at it, let's use the special parabolic microphone so that we can hear what she does over the phone. Why? Because Dave is convinced that it will be good, and he signs my paychecks.)
Girl: I can't believe he's not here yet! He *promised* me it wouldn't take long, that he'd be here with plenty of time to spare. I bought a dress! I got my hair done up, and now it's all messy, and it's ALL YOUR FAULT, JAY LANGE! Meh! Oniichan no BAKA!!
Voice: (on phone and rather amused) I am?
Girl: Onii! Where are you?!
Voice: Calm down, Midori. The shoots running a little long because Tyler didn't show up. They're putting me in the fight scene.
Midori: We don't have time for that, the show is starti-... (suddenly interested) Isn't Tyler like 8 inches taller than you, Jay?
Jay: It doesn't matter, it's a short scene, I'm not far away, and Brian's flying me out personally if I do this "one favor".
Midori: [sighs] Hurry, Jay! Dave has been looking all over for you. He's more excitable than I remember...
Jay: No worries, kiddo. Jay Lange always makes his dates.
Midori: I'm sure Jenna would argue
.Jay: HEY!
Midori: (giggling) Hurry, onii.
Jay: It might be an hour or two.
Midori: And what am I supposed to tell Dave? Mmm?
Jay: To hurry up and wait. I have to go. Ja matta! (click)
Midori: Jay..? JAY?! Jay.. chikusho! oniichan no kusobarre!
(The scene fades out and fades in into a dark, nondescript room. One man is sitting in the center of the room in a chair, his hand stroking his chin thoughtfully. The man has long and stringy black hair, which is tied back in a ponytail, and is clean-shaven. He is wearing sunglasses, a black t-shirt with a white dragon on it, and jean shorts. In the background, you can softly hear "Simon Says" by Drain STH playing. The man turns his head toward the camera, as if noticing it for the first time. He smiles.)
MAN: Hello.
(The man turns completely toward the camera, his attention now fully focused.)
MAN: I'm quite sure that a number of you SEWF fans are unaware of who I am. For those that know me, no introduction is needed, but for the others...I am Simon Southward.
(Southward removes his sunglasses and smiles.)
SIMON SOUTHWARD: Those that don't know me aren't aware of my various talents, both in the ring and out.
(Clips play of Southward executing various maneuvers during matches - of note, his floatover Implant DDT; a spinning leg lariat into the corner, with Southward landing on his feet on the floor; a top-rope elbowdrop, with a great deal of height reached on the move; and a tope con hilo to the floor, onto a prone opponent.)
SOUTHWARD (voiceover): Those that don't know me haven't seen me exhibiting my wrestling skills, both in the ring and out. You haven't seen me facing the best wrestlers in the world and coming out on top in the end.
(Back to the room, with Southward.)
SOUTHWARD: It's a shame that you've had to wait this long to see Simon Southward, ladies and gentlemen. But the day has arrived.
(Southward smiles again.)
SOUTHWARD: Those that *do* know me have asked why I have come to the SEWF. Well, that's very simple. I am here in the SEWF for two reasons.
(A clip of Southward being mobbed by some fans after his match.)
SOUTHWARD: One, to entertain the fans, and give them their money's worth..
(..and now a clip of Southward holding up the PCCW Intercontinental championship belt, the last title he held.)
SOUTHWARD: ..and two, to become the SEWF World heavyweight champion.
(Back to Southward, now more serious.)
SOUTHWARD: Those are my two goals, friends. Rest assured, whenever Simon Southward enters the ring for his match of the night, that match *will* be the best match of the show. That is not arrogance, that isn't cockiness. My pride simply won't allow me to give you anything less than my best, each and every night.
(Southward relaxes.)
SOUTHWARD: As for the SEWF World heavyweight title, that is simply my destiny. You see, I believe in fate. I believe that we all are on our own paths toward whatever goals life has in store for us...and I believe that becoming the World heavyweight champion is another one of fate's goals for me.
(Southward looks right at the camera, a half-smile on his face.)
SOUTHWARD: The only question is, how will I reach that goal? I invite each and every one of you to join me on that winding journey toward greatness. I assure you it will be an interesting ride.
(Southward leans forward once more, and begins stroking his chin once again, as the scene fades out; at the same time, the music picks up in volume.)
"I would give my life to get somewhere......but I'll do anything when Simon says..."
(Fade out and fade back in to Dave Shaw in the center of the ring once more, ready to lead us through another round of interviews and promos...)
Dave Shaw: Well, that's a guy who has come to us from the PCCW who I'm very excited about. I think you all will like Simon and a lot of the creativity he'll bring to the SEWF. To switch gears, I'm going to bring out a guy that has been kind of elusive to me. We've finally managed to get him in a Dave Shaw federation, so I want to bring him out here to talk about that. Ladies and gentlemen, Jarred Matthews.
("Carpe Diem Baby" by Metallica begins to play over the Shawplex sound system and Jarred Matthews emerges from the entryway. Moderate pyro and he's down the aisle and into the ring. Dave is standing with the mic and begins to speak...)
Dave Shaw: Well, Jarred, it's great to have you here in the SEWF, finally. We searched long and hard to find you and I'm just glad we persuaded you to give his fans a little Matthews magic. What finally piqued your interest?
Jarred: Well ya know Davey boy, if there's one thing that I hate to miss is a party. And knowing some of the crazy kids that came here already I know I've got to be a part of this. And I love Colorado because every where you go there's a fly girl and you can't beat those Rockies!!
(Crowd pop for the hometown reference.)
Dave Shaw: Fair enough, so what's the big goal for the beginning of your SEWF run? Are your sights set on the title tourney or have you already found an opponent you're looking to go after?
JM: I'm gonna have to feel it all out. Right now all JM has on his mind is getting a feel for that this place is going to shape up. SEWF has guys who are dangerous, talented, and all in between but I'm gonna have to see where I end up for the title tournament and go on from there. Besides, titles are only two things, extra weight to lug around and a burden when you're in the ring.
Dave Shaw: I understand you've had some prior altercations with one Wyatt Wallace, a man we saw not too long ago accost Sean Shanoski. Any thoughts on him?
(Just as Jarred goes to respond a single pair of hands clapping, applauding loudly can be heard. The camera turns just in time to see the same man who had accosted a woman with her panties earlier walking down the aisle and up the ring steps with one of the cockiest grins imaginable plastered on his face. The clapping stops abruptly as the man begins to speak to Jarred Matthews with a condescending tone, almost like a teenager would speak to an authority figure just to spite them.)
Man: Very nice, very very nice...good work my friend. Not only have you engaged the audience fairly well, but you have also peaked the interest of our viewers I am sure. but, and unfortunately for you, I believe your fifteen minutes are up.
(Matthews turns to the Dave with his hands up as to ask what the hell is this shit right before the man picks up his pace and bucks into him as hard as he can with a forearm. Jarred is dropped to his knees instantly and the well dressed, panty tossing, man begins putting his Italian leather boots to his skull. After a few swift kicks to the face the man turns to the camera and without one drop of sweat on his face begins to speak as calmly as he did before, only now with a little more seriousness in his tone, but not that much)
Man: First of all let me apologize for that outlandish behavior, but sometimes, as I'm sure most of you know, people have a tendency to overstay their welcome and hog the limelight a little too much. (as he speaks of this the man is hamming up to the camera as much as possible) Not me though. Oh GOD no...I would never dream of hogging someone else's spotlight, that is, if I thought they deserved it more than me and I'm afraid to tell you all but....(in a loud overbearing, abrasive tone of voice) NONE OF YOU DO!!!!! (Now back to his peaceful calm) But don't take it personally, being like me, Silky Slim, is not the easiest thing to do. As you all saw earlier I have to constantly keep the ladies in check with what they leave behind as my home not to mention keeping all these little girl pantywaists I've seen parading the screen tonight talking about how tough they are. I just don't buy it, nor would I like to. I figure this much....you all want to be entertained and by laying waste to guys like this chump below me I will do just that. So take your signs now folks....prepare yourself for Silky Slim, because I am that good...I am that smart...Hell, I am that smooth. You might even say, smooth as silk.
(With that Slim flashes a wink to the screen as he reaches in his pocket and pulls out a coin. He flips it into the air and lets it drop on his fallen prey. He then begins to applaud himself as if to rile up the crowd before turning his back and strutting out of the ring and back up the aisleway.)
Dave Shaw: Well, as they say, the best laid plans. Can we get cleanup on Jarred here, that's a shame. I believe we have an update on our friend Jay Lange, let's go there...
(We're panning up to a soundstage, obviously to a large budget movie, as the blue screen would seem to indicate future special effects. Suddenly, two men break through a breakaway wall and tumble onto the screen, growling and clawing at each other in seeming frenzy. They roll away from each other and stand, crouched and ready, then are interrupted by...)
Voice: (O.S.) CUT! Thanks, guys. Jay, you can go, Hugh, let's do the scene between you and Anna.
Hugh: Right.
(As "Hugh" goes off stage, "Jay" walks toward the camera and strips off the long overcoat he's in. His long blonde hair is stringy, matted, almost animal like, and sprouts not only from his head, but in tufts on his face as well. The camera follows him as he pulls off the tufts of hair, hissing as the glue that attached them doesn't want to come off. He stops short at the door, a pretty Japanese girl in a black chiesong glaring up at him, a little pout on her lips.)
Midori: Onii, it as been an hour and a half! Get your big fat butt in your tuxedo and let's GO!
Jay: How did you get here?
Midori: Dave has a plane. Let's go!
Jay: Dave has a plane?
Midori: Private jet. Move it!
Jay: When did he get a private jet?
Midori: What part of LATE aren't you getting?! Get out of that hair and back into your tux so I can berate you properly on the plane! Go go go!!!
Jay: OK, OK!
(Jay heads off and Midori leans against the wall as the camera fades. Dave loves this secret stuff.)
(Lights flicker off and blue and the theme from Halloween play as this video comes on the screen. You will hear a child's voice narrate as the eerie music continues to play. The words SEWF come on the screen.)
Voice: Before there was the SEWF there was another
(Shots of Hurrican Hurst, Riptide, Goliath, Biggest....)
Voice: There was an evil force that fueled everyone's desires.
(Shots of the Hardcore Horsemen are shown.)
Voice: Then his life was taken from, everything he ever known was taken and he walked away.
(The new BTW logo and highlights of it are shown.....)
Voice: The house that he built was reopened and but it wasn't the same without him and the dream seemed to die.......till now.
(SEWF flashes on the screen in black and blue, then august 7 ,2000...)
Voice: The house....his house...is open for business again..August 7th...the day...HE..came home..
(Screen is black with a blue bunny skull wrapped in barbed wire flashes and fades out....and back in again to Dave Shaw in the ring once more....)
Dave Shaw: Well, it's only day one and I've had the skull of a small animal appear on my show, that's just grand. Hope I don't get the scary PTC on my ass...anyway, up next I understand we've got a sighting of some SEWF talent in the parking lot. If I understand correctly, they are some of the better recruits that are totally new to the SEWF franchise, so take a look.
(Outside the Shawplex... )
"Did you see her? I'm tellin' you, that's one fly lookin' secretary..."
"That's what you said in Boston."
"Shut up! I doubt this one has her own ~EVIL agenda. Besides..... You know she liked it."
"Yeah yeah... hey... someone with a camera... "
"Prolly for the SEWF..""Gee, ya think? We're outside the Shawplex, man..."
"C'mere you camerafreak. We're not gonna kill ya."
"You're not?"
"Oh shut up... I meant to say 'yet'"
( So as the camera draws closer, we can see just what we've been hearing. Two of the SEWF's top superstars, and their manager...)
(Oh, suppose I should say WHO they are... riiiight. Andrew Krumm, Syko, and Nicole Masaki. Good enough? No? Tough.)
Andrew: Well let's see... The SEWF.... If you were to walk through the hollowed halls of the Shawplex, you can almost still hear the people cheering of booing some of the former greats...McGrath, Ryan, Holmes, Luciano, Dalton, Bushido.... and I'm sure the list goes on and on.....But as far as we're concerned.... you can burn that list of former greats. You see, SEWF... the past is exactly that. The past. The future is now, and I don't plan to live in the shadow of all these people who don't even wrestle here anymore, if they even wrestle at all. Hell, I don't plan to be in the shadow of ANYONE. August 13th... the Mothership lands here. And whether you all like it or not, we're coming aboard, and taking over....
Syko: It's as simple as it looks, SEWF. We come, we see, we assimilate your asses. I can look up and down the roster... No one stands out... no one impresses me... It's like a walk in the park with you guys.... And I dunno, but if I had to go up against this Freakin' Puerto Rican, this piece of perfection.... I'd be just as scared as you. Good thing that it's me. But seeing as it's so late at night, and I got a few cervezas mas fina sitting up in Casa Del Syko right now, I'll leave you with 3 words.... and they're probably the most important words you ever hear.... Against me, suckas....Resistance....... IS FUTILE.
(Exit Syko, stage left.)
Nicole: In a matter of days, SEWF, the battle lines get drawn, the wars commence, and the wrestling world as we know it may never be the same. Managing a true warrior, a true champion, takes a lot of determination, and the will to go out there, and do what's necessary. And that's exactly what I plan to do. Andrew will be the world champ. That's guaranteed. SEWF, do what you must, but remember... sooner or later... you'll be welcomed...
Andrew: TO MY WORLD. Let's go, sweetie.
Nicole: Right.
(And they leave.... what do we do?!?! I know! Lets just......fade)
Dave Shaw: Interesting stuff to be sure. Next up is a guy that I had in the SEWFG2.
(The fans stir in indifference to a fed they've never heard of...)
Dave Shaw: Yeah, yeah, I know it wasn't that successful, but this guy was a bright spot in it. Let's take a listen and a look.
(A bright light flashes in front of the camera, faint clicking noises can be heard in the back round......you assume they are cameras going off.....the camera slowly comes into focus from the bright flash of the camera to the solid oak finish of a podium in which a man is standing wearing a black t shirt and black warm up pants with 2 red stripes down each side on them separated by gray cloth. his hair is tied back though his black and red hat he's wearing.....his goatee in nicely trimmed and he looks nicely refreshed as he sips his water bottle he looks straight into a video camera with heavy eyes and a determined face)
Brian "Barbed Wire" Williams: Those of you who have heard of me.......fear me..........those of you who know me........respect me.......and those of you who don't know me......Watch out for me!!!!!! Now as many of you know I am Brian "Barbed Wire" Williams know more formerly as Brian Williams.....Now I do recall the last time SEWF had a run the time I was there was short but nevertheless it was still profitable.....and it much like all other slowly faded away until it died......and yea I was one of the first to be put on the roster......that's because.......President Shaw remembered me.....he remembered what I could do......he remembered who I was....... and who I am and what I can do is just enough if not more to get me to the top of my game as I stride to be the best much like I always have...... I know none of you newbies can possibly comprehend how hard I work or how determined I am to be the World Champion but I can guarantee you one thing you Will find out......you WILL understand and you WILL see what it takes.....none of you have what it takes I DO!!!! I have come to the SEWF to ensure......everything that is wholesome and good stays that way because these fans is what is most important......and rid the federation of dirt who decided to make it there place to destroy everything we have worked for......To any and EVERYONE......"You're gonna get CUT by the Jagged Edge"
(Williams lets out a smirk towards the camera and he looks back towards the reporters and continues on with the press conference)
(Camera shows a door opening into a locker room. All the lights are out and present the camera with a total darkness. Not a normal darkness for some reason. More like a cold darkness. One that kills all emotions and seems to give only the impression of depression and sadness. A darkness that eats away at the very soul the longer you stay in it. The camera turns thinking it has the wrong room but a voice stops it.)
Voice: Home. . . such a fragile word. Yet, such meaning can be given to it. A home to some is a place to live that they can call their own. A place they feel they belong. Somewhere they can exist without feeling left out. It is a feeling of belonging that makes most look for a place to settle. For once a home is found then you have a place to belong. A place to call yours and a place to know that only you live. A place that you know you own and control. So what's the point to a home if you don't have one? There is another "home" A sense. A feeling. Something that exist within the being of a person. Something that exist within the very fiber of a being. It is when heart, mind, and soul leech onto a place. When they feel "comfortable" with their surroundings. This is a since that needs no buildings to express itself or show itself.
(The camera walks into the darkness seeking the owner of the voice. It knows only that it has an interview it must collect. It has heard the speaker now it must stay to finish it. The cameraman now has the sole burden to carrying this mans words to the world. His sole concern is to hear what this troubled and tortured soul has to say.)
Voice: You maybe asking why I speak of a "home". I will give the answer. Yet, some may not understand my words. For I speak with no images. I speak with no illusions. I speak no lies. I speak only what I know. Home, in the sense I am talking, is a place that exist solely within me. Can the SEWF present me with this feeling? Can the SEWF present me with what I seek? For what I seek is something that no one has really given me. I see a clear understanding of the race we call "humanity". I seek an end to my searching. I seek an end to my torture. I seek the answers that lie only within the hearts of those I hate. I seek the images, the "memories" as we call them, that are locked within each of us. SEWF, can you present me with enough to understand why I am outcast? Trodden, hated, feared, beaten, tortured. Why I am viewed as a menace when I understand the world around me better then most do?
(A light behind the camera flicks on. Shedding some hope restoring light within this dark prison that this man has chosen to lock himself in. The tortured and tormented darkness screams silently as the bold white light cuts through it with a holy vengeance. The single light cast an aura of enchantment on the surroundings. It shows the pristine lockers. Though it only hints of what lies within the darkest corners.)
Voice: SEWF, no one has yet to come to understand my tortured, tormented mind. No one has come to accept or see the clarity for which I view this world and its inhabitants. Why? Because they are scared to be stripped of the false life they have built around themselves. No one in this world is capable of allowing another individual to crush the illusionary walls they have erected around themselves. They can not stand by and watch themselves be dismantled before their very eyes. I have seen what "true" knowledge does to a being that has been hidden behind false images, disillusions, falling promises, empty wishes, and last but not least, hopeless dreams. This world exist within a plane of suffering that we have built around ourselves. We have allowed it to exist. In doing so we have lost all meaning to life.
(Another light cuts on. Another silent scream can be heard. More darkness dies before the invading light. More pristine lockers come into view. Yet, the corners become darker. The darkness becomes more maddening. The features of it twists and churn into representations of our own demons. The demons we hide within ourselves to protect us. The demons that kill us over time.)
Voice: People have never understood why I held such views. The answer will never be easy for another to learn. Yet, the hardest is in learning that it is the truth. I have seen this world at its worst. I have seen our "beautiful" cities. I have seen our "godlike" governments. I have seen our "puppet-like" lives. There is nothing there. No life exist within those bounds. Yet, life does exist. For I have seen the world at its best. That being raw nature. When man and nature lived in harmony. I will not say nature is perfect for even it has its flaws. Yet, nature has found a way in its many flaws to overcome the worst time has thrown at it. As for humanity, we "degrade" ourselves with our very "evolution" as we like to say.
(A final light cuts off and the last of the darkness dies silently, emotionless, dark and cold. In which it lost no friends and gained no allies. Gave no quarter and received non. Now the tormented speaker has been revealed. His blindingly cold cloak of darkness shredded can no longer hide him. The pained voice belongs to what seems like a young man. Some would call this man handsome. Yet, his image right now seems to warrant any warmth at all. It seems to kill all emotions within his presence. At first glance anyone would consider him strange. From the ice blue eye that match the ice blue eyes to the black leather vest and blue leather pants and finally to the white and black stripped tiger laying with its head in his lap. Yes, at first glance he would seem strange and in an odd way, handsome. Then again, if you stared into those ice blue eyes you saw something that should not belong to a mortal being. A pair of ice blue eyes as blue and cold as any glacier or underwater cavern. A cold blue that emits no warmth and no emotion. Yet, it reaches out and kills all emotion surrounding him. A stare of such harsh cold that it strips a person down to his or her very being and allows this man to study you with nothing to block his vision. An uninterrupted study of your deepest, darkest recesses of your soul. A stare no man should ever have.)
Voice: My name. . . is Winter. Some may ask why such a simple name? Some may ask why such a stupid name? Some may even ask why hide my real name at all? The answer to all is that the name is beautiful in is simplicity and complexity. A name that shows all in one look but, yet, reveals nothing in one glance. A name that hides no secrets from the world yet blocks the thirsty soul from learning its nature. Winter, the name of a season. The name of the coldest season in existence. I have begin to call myself that because it fits me. It shows my lack of emotion in one look but, yet, hides my secrets from a quick glance. It entreats the soul to explore but amazes it in a way of such complexity that no one shall know what happened. My name is simple and yet complex. For I am a cold person with no secrets but yet with a dark past. A clouded vision but with a pure sight. Understand the underlying meanings of what I say and what I do. For in understanding comes true knowledge. In knowledge comes power. Yet, can this power be enough to truly understand or ,in the least, move me?
(The man gives a silent and mirthless laugh. There is no warmth in that laugh. It is only a strange coldness that bites to the very soul. A mark that he releases at will to prove he is not what people expect. A showing of how cold his heart is. Yet, this man seems capable of some kind of emotion. For he is petting the tiger heard in his lap. Yet, even in this gesture there seems to be an odd coldness that only a dead man might understand.)
Dave Shaw: That was Winter we just heard from, who promises to be one of the more thought provoking guys to be a part of the SEWF. If you grasp all of what he talks about, you've got one leg up on me to be sure. I've gotten word that we're going to head to the backstage area where Matt Hammer has an interview with the elusive "Wild Horse" Jay Lange apparently, Matt?
(We cut to the backstage area where Matt Hammer is walking down the hallway. He opens a door and we see a huge expansive room. It has two basketball hoops, volleyball lines, workout equipment, the whole bit. It is, obviously, a gymnasium. In the center of it sits some nondescript man on a metal chair. He's holding a...towel?)
Matt Hammer: Hey, Hades, have you seen Jay Lange?
Hades: I sit in a gym with a towel.
Matt Hammer: That's great, Hades, but have you seen Jay Lange or not???
Hades: Gym, towel, sit do I.
Matt Hammer: Jesus you're a moron. We didn't hire you to sit in a gym with a towel, get back to mopping the damn floor.
Hades: Sitting in gym with towel, I do.
(Matt slams door.)
Matt Hammer: (on screen without knowing, listening to the stage manager through her/his headset.) No... no, I told you, he's not here... Well, the girl SAID he would be... I don't know, there's something fishy going on... 18 year old Asian manager with an a*s like that? He's gotta be doing her. Hell, I'd do her... what? SH*T! This is Matt Hammer for the SEWF. I'm supposed to be interviewing Jay "Wild Horse" Lange concerning his return as a wrestler on the return of this great fed. However, he isn't here.
Jay: (O.S.) Yes, yes I am.
(Hammer turns to see Jay, amused, standing with Midori, who looks delicately pissed, gloved fists clenched at her sides, hair straight. Another woman next to Jay, as tall as Midori, who comes up to Jay's chest, but with dark blonde hair and gray eyes, looks as amused as Jay. Chances are, we'll meet here later. As it is, I doubt Matt will live through the interview.)
Matt Hammer: Jay! ... um... how long have you been standing there?
Girl with Jay and Midori: Long enough, sugar.
(Hammer cringes, and Jay steps forward, causing Hammer to cringe even more. Jay simply looks into the camera and... smiles.)
Jay: Some stuff never changes... Back in the SEWF, seeing some familiar faces, some not so familiar, and some that are downright strange. Doesn't matter, for the next two months we'll all decide if you can live
with me breathing down your neck or if I will have to find better competition elsewhere. Because, rest assured, anytime you get in the ring with ME, you'll be in for the fight of your life.
Hammer: 2 months?
Midori: (icily) Jay signed for two months to see if he liked it. If he can't find a good enough challenge, he'll move on. Problem?
Hammer: (sufficiently intimidated) No, ma'am.
Girl: OK, we've done your piece, can we eat now? I haven't had anything to eat since we got on the plane!
Jay: OK, Jenna, let's go. Dave sets up a nice spread... (voice trails off as he and Jenna leave.)
Midori: (cheerfully) I'll catch up...
(She turns from the couple, and her smile becomes a menacing grin.)
Midori: Let's talk...
Hammer: Fade to black! For God's sake, fade to black!
(And they do.)
Dave Shaw: It seems that our old friend Matt Hammer will be occupied for the next few moments. So, while we're cleaning him off and attending to him, how about you all take a look at a promo tape we received not too long ago. This is from another PCCW recruit, and I'll let him introduce himself.
(Courtesy: PCCW plays at the bottom of the screen.)
(A single drumline plays as a shadowed figure walks to the curtains and steps through. The man is about 6' tall, and looks to be about 220 pounds. Down one leg of his tights, the name STEVENS is written. All of a sudden, the drumline shoots right into Disturbed's "Shout 2000".)
Shout! Shout! Let it all out!
(The video begins playing clips of this man's career. Stevens posing in the ring)
These are the things I can do without!
(Stevens trashtalking an off-camera opponent)
Come on, I'm talking to you, so come on...
(Stevens hitting a slingshot DDT on an opponent)
Shout! Shout! Let it all out!
(Stevens with a title belt in hand raised in victory, standing over the prone body of a fallen opponent)
These are the things I can do without!
(Stevens shaking his head and looking up in disbelief as a masked wrestler holds the title belt Stevens had in an earlier clip up in victory)
Come on, I'm talking to you, so come on...
(Stevens lifting two people out of the ring in a battle royal. One's feet hit the floor, but the other man slides back into the ring under the bottom rope)
In violent times, you shouldn't have to sell your soul!
(Stevens and 3 others posing for a promo. All 4 are about the same size and build, and all 4 are holding title belts)
In black and white, they really really ought to know!
(Stevens executing a spinning Implant DDT on another opponent)
Those one track minds, that took you for a working boy!
(Stevens and an opponent brawling inside a jail cell)
Kiss them goodbye, you shouldn't have to jump for joy!
(Stevens and another wrestler in a near-fall sequence)
You shouldn't have to (jump for joy)
(Stevens being pinned by the same wrestler)
Shout! Shout! Let it all out!
(Stevens and one of the other 3 men from the promotional shot attacking a third party in the ring)
These are the things I can do without!
(Stevens pinning the man attacked in the last clip)
Come on, I'm talking to you, so come on...
(Another shot of Stevens's slingshot DDT on an unidentifiable opponent)
They gave you life, and in return you gave them hell!
(Stevens and 2 people from the promotional shot beating up the other person in the promo for some reason)
As cold as ice, I hope we live to tell the tale!
(Stevens pinning an opponent and celebrating)
I hope we live to (tell the tale)
(Ryan Stevens standing over another opponent in victory)
(The video we see turns itself into the video off a television, and the camera zooms out to see the man featured in the video watching the TV in one corner of a large room. He is wearing warmups and, from the sweat on his forehead, looks to be taking a break from a workout. On the back of the warmups, the name Stevens is written again. Stevens, hearing something out of the corner of his ear, turns around and spies the cameraman.)
STEVENS: You guys really need to learn how to knock. Anyways... what you've just seen is what I'm all about. But let me give you a proper introduction. My name is Ryan Stevens. And as you can see, I'm good at what I do. Fortunately for the fans of the SEWF, they'll get to see just what I can do in the ring. Or maybe that's unfortunately...
(Stevens laughs to himself and takes a drink off of a water bottle that was previously off camera.)
STEVENS: You see, it doesn't matter to me what I have to do to win. I'm here for the SEWF World Title. Nothing less. I don't have time to sign your autographs. I don't have time to see the fans. I don't have time for crap like that because I have one job to do, and I plan to do it right and to do it the first time I get my opportunity.
(Stevens takes another drink of water.)
STEVENS: I could tell you that I'm a former 2-time world television champion over at the other place I work, but nobody cares about that here. All that the SEWF is going to care about is what they are going to have to do to take the SEWF World Title away from me. Soon people are gonna know about the SEWF. And one name is going to be synonymous with the action, talent, and entertainment here... and the fans of the SEWF, the wrestlers of the SEWF, the owners, the announcers, everyone will know that the one name... will be Ryan Stevens.
Dave Shaw: Well, a big welcome to one Ryan Stevens, we're happy to have him as a part of the SEWF community. We're coming down to the end of the evening folks, and you all know what that means...
(A crowd of almost 30,000 people sits perfectly silently.)
Dave Shaw: Alright, well then I'll tell you. At the end of the evening we will be publishing the SEWF Heavyweight Title Tournament brackets for the inaugural SEWF card!!
(A crowd of almost 30,000 people sits perfectly silently....and then erupts at the thought of great SEWF action!!!!)
Dave Shaw: Much better. Before we get to those brackets, let's here from one of the more anticipated SEWF wrestlers, Burt Clifton....take it Burt.
(Fade in to the basement of a house somewhere in a town in Middle America. Middle America both geographically and culturally. Inside this basement? Well, there's a mattress in the corner, with some sheets on it. I guess that's a bed. There's a dresser, bookshelf, desk, TV set, and all the other things you might expect to find when looking at a basement serving as a person's home...)
(Including the resident. He's over there, sitting on a chair, with pre-torn, pre-faded blue jeans (like what was fashionable back in 1986-87). In fact, there's a lot of things that say 'retro' if you take a close look
around the room. The posters on the walls are all of bands long since broken up and forgotten idols featured in long canceled shows. Even the young man's hairstyle seems to hearken back to the time of Reagan and "where's the beef?" somewhat. And hooked up to the TV is a video game system...naturally, its nothing current, but ye olde 8-bit NES.)
(Either we're caught in a time warp, or this guy is. Or he's just really out of touch or behind the times.)
Hi.
(Hark, he speaketh. Or something.)
Clifton: Well...here we go. They said to try to introduce myself...Hello SEWF. My name is Burt Clifton. Hi.
(So this is Burt Clifton, newly signed SEWF wrestler. The rumors were he was kinda...well...dorky. And he seems to be that way. He waves to the camera, his nervousness well apparent in his body language.)
Clifton: I guess you can probably tell I'm nervous. I guess that's because I'm coming here on my own. No safety net...or...well...you know, no safety net. I mean, this is my first time...on my own. I don't have any friends here to give me emotional support. It's my own fault, really. I wanted this. I left some people behind. I ran. Should I have? I don't know. I miss them.
(He gulps, quite visibly.)
Clifton: So I'm a little...well, I guess depressed is the right word, and that's probably why I'm not making the best showing for myself right now. (pause, and deep breath.) But, I need to move on. It's better for me. I think. I mean, I always have wanted to be more self-reliant. And now I have to be. Suppose I'm trying to learn to swim by throwing myself into deep water. I hope it works. Heh...it sorta has to, doesn't it?
(Clifton lowers his head, and make some choked noise, kinda like laughter. At himself.)
Clifton: But then, in a way, I always have sorta been on my own. Haven't I? Yeah, I have. I can't honestly say I feel like I ever did completely fit in with the group, or connect real well with other people. Sometimes I thought I did though.
(He stops suddenly, as if remembering something forgotten.)
Clifton: Oh, I like 80's music too. Does anyone else?
(pause.)
Clifton: (whispering) Why did I say that now? Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, Burt, stupid.
(Suddenly, loud thumping is heard on the ceiling Clifton, and a booming, squawking voice of a middle-aged woman bellows:)
Burt! Who the hell are you talking to in there?
Clifton: (shouting back) Quiet, mom! I'm working on something! And nobody's in here, I'm talking to a camera!
Mom: Talking to yourself? You crazy boy!
Clifton: Shhh! Mommmm! Keep it down!
Mom: You keep it down! Montell is on!
(That would be Montell Williams, for the record.)
(Clifton sighs helplessly. Speaking in a quieter tone than before, he continues.)
Clifton: And that...that's my mother. Yeah. I still live at home, with my mother. I'd move out, if I could afford it. But I can't. She's not exactly the biggest wrestling fan in the world. Never did approve of
me getting into it. But it's the only thing in my life that I've found so far that I'm good at. At all. I just wish she'd see that, and be a little more supportive.
(Clifton looks up at the ceiling, as if trying to look at his mother through an opaque wall. On some emotional level, he probably can see her, too. You know it works like that sometimes...)
Clifton: Maybe this time around, she will be. I mean, this is a chance to start over for her as well as me. I sure hope she does. I know I could sure benefit from it...
(His voice starts to trail off and drop in volume.)
(A few seconds of uncomfortable silence.)
Clifton: I...I guess that's it. I'll try to be more upbeat in the future. Yeah.
(He stands up, reaches over, and turns the camera off, making us quickly cut to black. That's the idea anyway. Unfortunately he screws up and does it wrong, and we instead cut to loud, annoying fuzz.)
Clifton: Oops! What did I do?
(We can still hear him. Barely, over the fuzz.)
(Click.)
(Now we've gone to black, and silence. Finally.)
(Now fade to a flock of seagulls.)
Dave Shaw: Flock of seagulls, I love that band. Alright folks, you've met many of the combatants and I just know that you're all rabid for action, so let's get right on down to it. We spent hours and hours in the SEWF war room coming up with brackets that would thrill you, the fans. So, without further ado, here are the brack-
("What a Girl Wants" by Christina Aguilera begins to fill the Shawplex. The music reaches it's chorus and from the back holding the old SEWF World Heavyweight Championship Belt comes Ray Hagan...The "Superstar" wearing a "Superstar" Ray Hagan t-shirt reading "What a Girl Wants with an arrow pointing to his genitals on the front. Hagan removes his star-shaped sunglasses and begins.)
Hagan: Hold on one damn minute there Mr. Shaw...I'm sure you remember me. The man who's put more women on their knees than CHURCH! Your Goddamn World Heavyweight Champion? I know that you were considering having some kind of crazy tournament for the SEWF World Title. But your problem is this...
I NEVER LOST THIS BELT
So Dave...how in the hell are you going to handle this?
You've already got a World Heavyweight Champion...you don't need another.
(Hagan shifts the World Title...slightly dusty as it is, from one shoulder to another...)
Hagan: This damn thing has been sitting on a mantle since that fateful day when SEWF went under. And now all of a sudden here you go trying to bring it back...without ME...without your World Champion...
I guess that you know that there's not a man out there who can take this from me Dave.
BUT
Your problem is that as long as you've got someone who isn't me running around as your World Champion...they can't truly stake a claim to being SEWF World Champion. Because they haven't gone through the best.
Dave, without me, this little promotion has no legacy, and to claim it does is cheating your Champion, and your fans. It's fraudulent. So Dave...why have a tournament...when your World Champion is here...?
Dave Shaw: Well, Ray, despite the fact that you have interrupted my broadcast and look to take away from our fans an exciting tourney, I can see your point. It is a valid one. So, let me tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to have the tourney anyway. Yes, it will be for the SEWF World Heavyweight Championship.
(Pop from the crowd, who doesn't like a tourney?)
Dave Shaw: But, but, but because Ray has a point, there is a little event coming up after the tourney. It's called ShawCade 3 and it will be our first Pay-Per-View. On that show, you, Ray, will defend that piece of gold you hold against the man that comes out of the tourney victorious, and wears my new piece of gold. The man who wins the tourney, WILL BE RECOGNIZED as SEWF World Champ. However, he must go through you and the belts will then be unified. Like it or not, that's how it's gonna pay out, and this way, the fans get a double dose of excitement.
(Crowd pops for correct usage of the word dose.)
Ray: Alright, fine, I respect you Mr. Bookerman.
(With that, Ray exits back up through the entryway and the camera returns to Dave in the middle of the ring.)
Dave Shaw: Well, back to what I was talking about before Mr. Hagan came out, I have brackets, and here they are.
Dave Shaw: In our first match, we have Andrew Krumm vs. "Playboy" Sean Shanoski vs. Wyatt Wallace. I changed this around a bit, as I think Mr. Wallace was quite intent on getting a piece of the Playboy. Well, now they may do so in an SEWF ring.
The winner of that fine match will take on the winner of Brett Mondonno vs. "Violent" Vic Valence vs. Silky Slim. Mr. Slim has been seen throwing around some panties, and I've heard a buzz about Valence. Sounds like a good mixture to me, Mondonno might spark those two.
To start out bracket 2, we have an interesting match up with a lot of SCW'ers involved. It will be Winter vs. Omega vs. Spookmaster in quite a showdown. There is history between all three of those men and I think it will be something to see.
This one has three very talented men involved, all have been talked about extensively upon their signings with the SEWF. The match will be Burt Clifton vs. Harbenneth "The Black Rook" Rookens vs. Kujo and the winner will take on the winner of Winter vs. Omega vs. Spookmaster.
Bracket 3 is no stranger to intrigue, as both PCCW recruits got stuck in the same bracket with a man we saw earlier tonight in Blackheart. It'll be interesting to see how these PCCW stablemates react to being put in a match together. It will be Ryan Stevens vs. Sean Southward vs. Blackheart.
The winner of that match takes on the winner of Higor "Rebel" Rosa vs. "Barbed Wire" Brian Williams vs. Johnny "The Angel" Shines. This will be a battle of two men no strangers to myself, and one that is a little mysterious coming in. It'll surely be exciting to see how this one unfolds.
In the match of a returning SEWF star, a highly recruited prospect and an almost unknown, bracket 4 starts out with Jarred Matthews vs. Jay "Wild Horse" Lange vs. Chris Michaels. Watch out for the Wild Horse to bust it out, old school SEWF style.
Finally tonight, the winner of that match will take on one of three men I've known for quite sometime. I like them all a great deal and am on pins and needles wondering who will emerge from this grouping. The final bracket match is "Youngblood" Brian Matthews vs. Jack Paine vs. Luni.
There you have it folks. You have brackets, matches, PPV, and even Mr. Hagan making an appearance. Oh, and the best part, this is the beginning of a long long road, I hope to see you all walking right alongside us. For Matt Hammer and Steve Carey, this is David Shaw saying goodnight. Goodnight.
